What
do you do when you feel you haven’t been heard, or that
you wont be heard? That your purposes, intentions and ways of
being arn't acknowledged appreciated or understood? Do you have
the thought that there is no way you could possibly say what you
really think for fear of the consequences? If you do you would
hardly be alone, but imagine, a space where these things are addressed
safely and simply without any jargon or 'techniques'?
For
thousands of years people have been meeting, working with these
challenges and thus contributing to community, in circle. The
Native Americans developed something called Way of Council, a
simple sharing of what is present, what is real and what is personal.
Personal in that it comes from the person; how they feel, react
and experience the subject in hand, sometimes using stories from
their own lives as illustration, expressing the feeling that accompanies,
making transparent the process taking place within them. Transparency
is the key here. Way of Council is not a therapy, nor entertainment,
but a sharing of viewpoint that is contributing to the reality
of the present moment in as honest and real a way that feels comfortable.
So
here I am facing a circle, ready for whatever comes. Who are these
people? What do they need? What will they say? I had asked for
a commitment. That everyone would come every day, despite what
came, no matter how difficult it seemed, and not shy away. I invite
in awareness, and the sounds of the mind, the body and the world,
gradually. It had been a beloved friend and regular participant
in council who had connected me to a mutual acquaintance, Annie,
currently resident in a Devon community with a permaculture focus
called Landmatters. She told me they were experiencing a few problems
with the people-care, and were in need of a process to help clear
a backlog of unexpressed difficulties between them.
It
was arranged that I would do a week of council in the New Year,
and when theenergies of the community were focused toward new
beginnings. It turned out to be the first week in February, the
coldest, severest week of winter for 18 years. Bright sun, rain,
snow, sleet and fog. It even thundered whilst it snowed, something
I have never experienced before. A few miles away on the A38,
200 motorists were rescued overnight from a freezing motorway
jam…
We begin with the simplest round. Any first spontaneous word that
comes into the head. “Rhubarb.” “Custard?”
“?” “Swamp!” “Insect.” “Er...er...um...
Sorry. Can’t think of anything”. We go three rounds
and I get a snapshot of the vibe of the moment. I give the simple
but all important four intentions, guides which hold the space
together and to which all are invited to agree; speaking from
the heart, listening from the heart, succinctness and spontaneity.
In
order to support the intentions, a talking piece is employed.
This can be a stick,stone, feather or indeed any object which
lends iteself to be held by the speaker and at best has some significance
to the group or situation. With this in hand, no one is entitled
to interrupt or indeed speak until the piece arrives in their
own hand. This isn’t is a conversation, but a respectful
witnessing and sharing that amongst the many, many gifts of council,
minimises reactive behavior.
I
ask for confidentiality, the fifth intention required outside
of the circle. The things onehears are sometimes quite profound,
revelatory. They can also be irreverent, simple, plain, funny,
fearful and banal, but to the person speaking, it could be the
most sensitive or precious thing to expose. This is life, this
is human, and the organism today has 20 ears and one mouth.
I
read the group’s ideal quality of life statements, the considered
aspirations of the community for a fulfilling life, but with which
they had been struggling with too much work and too few people
to get anywhere near achieving. It worked well. The first person
picked up the talking piece. “I felt anger and sadness when
you read them...”
By
the 3rd day I felt they were more or less up to speak up about
the darker issues some of them were holding toward each other.
When challenged by another's behaviour and trying to make sense
of it without hearing the other’s side of the story, the
mind can wander around like a vandal creating all sorts of unhelpful
scenarios, engendering resentments and the like which comes from
that very human need to know. Why didn’t you come to the
meeting? Why didn’t you help me the other day when you could
see I needed help? Why do you always seem to say no to my ideas?
Why didn’t you tell me that you don’t agree? It dosn’t
get easier the more there are people living, working and creating
together. Wise to these tendancies, native communities created
the "Way" of the circle.
I
laid down the gauntlet after the check-in round by inviting a
volunteer to start the process. Silence. I could feel the fear,
the sensitivity, the struggle, for the body talks even if the
voice does not. I didn’t push it, but switched the form
to a spiral, rather than a circle. Eventually someone came into
the centre to begin, speaking more generally about problems encountered
on site and related personal difficulties, which sparked a flowing
motion for others to come into the centre, triggered by former
speakers and the general theme. It had the effect of airing gradually,
the issues at large. I had been prepared for things to get explosive,
but the collective wisdom of the group was choosing a gentler,
more gradual approach.
On
the morning of the 6th and final council, I contemplated taking
a risk. This was the time to hand it over, were they ready? We
did a couple of rounds, checking in and having a bit of fun pulling
an imaginary something out of a bag and surprising ourselves with
what it was, then I asked for feedback on the week and whether
they wanted to take “Council” on. They did. It seemed
pretty clear the benefits were beginning to be felt. I took the
risk. I divided the nine participants into three councils of three.
By chance, the first council consisted of two women who had an
issue. The second group meditated for some time as to what to
speak of. I had asked that each council find a “focaliser”,
or leader, then find a theme. The last group consisted of the
three men. They had one hour.
I
sat in the middle tuning in with each council... not needed. The
hour passed, the atmosphere deepened. Eventually we reconvened
as a circle and I asked for feedback. The first person shared
her awareness that something very ancient and connective unfolded
within her, allowing her to be calm and present.
This is what cannot be taught, this is what Council is about.
She listened, she heard. The next woman spoke. She had found herself
the space holder for the two others to share their differing viewpoints.
At first she could feel her stuff, being drawn into the emotions,
but she realised that and pulled back. She found that she could
take on the role of neutrality and found a peace there, a beingness
that enabled her to oversee and hold the space equably. Her face
seemed bright with freshness and realisation. The third woman
shared that they had taken almost half-hour each to say what they
had needed to say. And in her, that time simply being heard, witnessed
and uninterrupted, had eased the situation immeasurably. Synchronicity
continued to the end, no less in quiet intensity and with further
quite remarkable revelations that shall remain confidential.
I
felt then as I have for now for seven years, that what council
offers in power and simplicity is a practice of being real, of
being present. Council engenders stillness, and only from a place
of stillness, true listening can come. The deeper we listen, the
more profoundly simple the truth.
LANDMATTERS
can be contacted through their website
http://www.landmatters.org.uk
Some
feedback from the group...
"For me it was such a relief to hear people speak their
truths around issues, situations and even their feelings towards
others in the group. Somehow simply the naming of things - within
a heartful space - allowed movement and transformation. At times
we found that acknowledging the feelings and emotion enabled the
charge to dissipate and we were left with simply a situation to
be dealt with, rather than one in which people's identities and
sense of wellbeing were entangled. It was my sense that this could
potentially happen more as we go deeper with Council.
For me, it was the first time I had heard some of the people I
live with speak from their heart. This was beautiful. We began
to hear each others stories. And came away from the week knowing
each other a little more fully. This has already begun to bring
in more ease and flow within the group.
Many of the issues within the group are complex and deeply ingrained.
And of course, they were by no means resolved by one week of Council.
Perhaps the greatest gift that the week gave us was the form -
a simple, ancient and profound way to work with 'stuff'. The stuff
of communities, of individuals, of being alive. I feel as though
we have been given a very precious seed. I sincerely hope that
we have the skill and commitment needed to nurture this seed and
allow it to grow into the strong, rooted, giving and heartful
tree that will support our community and our dreams."
"The Way of Council felt like a well
overdue and urgently needed spring cleanse. We dared to shine
some light into a few deep dark corners of the community’s
collective mind. Rob’s holding of the space felt safe, strong,
honest and intuitive. What a gift he has brought us – such
simple and yet effective tool for community maintenance."
"As for me, well it was a very powerful
experience, the whole week. I've realised how painful (to me and
others) my normal interaction with the rest of the community is.
I've nothing but praise for the set-up, preparation and the way
in which you held the space. The hard thing for us is to keep
it going. In our debriefing several of us talked about how the
WOC felt like a fragile seedling, just germinated. A frost or
gust of wind will kill it and we have to nurture it carefully,
to let it grow within our community.
Personally i have quite a bit of anxiety about it all and about
whether it will continue to live. It's so easy to fall back into
our old pattern.
In a space, held, peaceful space, as is WOC, we all felt we could
open up, hear each other, speak our truth etc...
In terms of our actual council I don"t think we could have
hoped for such results. The honesty and bravery by all were more
than I'd expected. We probably didn't have time, but another aspect
we could have explored would be sharing something of ourselves....
really getting to know each other's stories, griefs, hopes etc;
with a view to becoming closer by understanding each other. I
thought doing more three-person councils would be good too, so
we could deal with more issues as a whole a group in the same
amount of time. My only criticism, or slight annoyance was around
the intention to be succinct. Maybe these intentions are just
intentions and people don't actually do them, but I found a distinct
lack of succinctness quite often and usually from the same people.
This had an effect I felt on the whole group energy becoming drained,
and it would be hard to recover. I felt more pulling-up people
on this was necessary, it would have been useful, but that's just
my opinion.
In short the WOC provided us as a community with the necessary
tools to tackle the inevitable dynamics one always finds within
communities. It enables us to really listen to each other, to
share something of ourselves and to open our hearts to each other.
The WOC helped us to deepen our connection to each other, to ourselves
and the circle which holds us together. Thankyou for your part
in this process."
" ...I want to thank
you so much for what you gave us. It feels like a gift full of
potential for becoming a 'whole' community, helping us to find
the courage to commit to dealing with the darker, more challenging
(but so necessary) aspects of creating a sustainable community.
I found a lot of faith in the group where I wasn't even expecting
to find it, and yes its difficult to keep that level of openess,
even though I do so badly need to at times. But since it was so
powerful we have all made a commitment to continue using council,
so i hope that it will change over time as we become more used
to relating in that way.
T hank you soooooo much!!!!!!!"
